Surfing

Gain a greater sense of control and reduce your stress

Well, unless you have been camping in the Gobi Desert, you will no doubt have been psychologically affected by the coronavirus. There is a lot of uncertainty and change in the air which is naturally unsettling and can cause us stress.

The question is, how do we minimise the impact this global situation is having on us?

Well, one way is to increase our ‘perceived’ sense of control over this situation.  The research in this area is fascinating:  If we have a greater ‘perceived’ sense of control over any situation, it lowers our cortisol release, (our stress hormone), and that is good for our health.

Here are my top seven tips to help you get a greater sense of control back in your life:

Learn to say ‘no’.

  1. This is my number one tip for you to have a greater sense of control in your life. Say ‘no’ to non-priorities and put yourself first.  Saying ‘no’ is liberating and actually frees you up to saying ‘yes’ to the things you really want to do.“Really successful people say no to almost everything” – Warren Buffett
  2. Keep a sense of perspective, it’s all relative. When we look at a problem and hyper-focus on it, it can feel overwhelming.  Take a step back, look at things from a different perspective.  Here are my views on the coronavirus, firstly the world is operating on a more united front (about time I’d say), secondly, we have brilliant scientists that are working on a cure as we speak, thirdly we understand this stuff so much better than we did in the past, our communication is quicker, we can get tested quickly, we have access to masks, hand sanitisers and Kleenex toilet paper is made in Australia!
    If you want to keep a sense of perspective limit the amount of news and social feeds you watch.  It’s one thing to stay informed it’s another to overdose on ‘bad’ news. You have control on what you choose to fill your brain with.
  3. Keep doing things that are good for you, such as keep exercising, just find other ways, even if you have to exercise at home. I can remember Jane Fonda videos, showing my age I know, but there are stacks of ways you can keep up an exercise regime without leaving your home, how good is that?
  4. Write a plan. Consider all the things you are worried about; security of your job, your son’s school closing or your elderly parent getting sick.
    Now, being objective not panicked, write out all the contingencies, think laterally.
    If we look at your job security.  Was the job security? Or did it seem like an anchor weighing you down, day in day out, maybe this is the perfect time to think about setting up your own business, be your own boss.
    Having your son sent home from school well if he is anything like my son was he would be delighted to stay indoors for two weeks it would be gaming, gaming gaming, and as he would have said to me ‘ Mum, you need to chillax’
    Regarding your parents health, maybe you could get your parents set up with skype or zoom so you can regularly chat and see them without visiting and compromising their weaker immune system, set up family zoom meeting.
    Writing a plan gives you a sense of control it helps you be objective.
  5. Declutter – decluttering reduces stress, so if you are spending more time indoors get rid of the stuff you have been hanging onto for years, clear out your cupboards and feel calmer in the process and importantly feel a greater sense of control.
  6. Keep a gratitude diary with a buddy. I have been keeping a gratitude diary with a friend of mine for months.  Every evening I capture things I’m grateful for that day and send it to my friend and he does the same.  You start off with obvious things, family, cute pets, but because you shouldn’t repeat items you have to start scanning your environment for other things that you are grateful for.  It changes the way you view your world it shows you have control on how you choose to see things.
  7. Finally, if you are feeling overwhelmed, admit that firstly to yourself and then ask for help. Asking for help is empowering, not weakness and again demonstrates you have control in your life.

You have control of your life, you have got this x

#traceyward #mojomakeover #coronovirus #womeninbusinss

What is your connection to the story

Differences are good

I was out and about on Saturday wandering along a row of shops waiting for a girlfriend who was running lateand I am always early. 

I walked past a man with a clipboard raising money for UNHCR a refugee agency. I’m embarrassed to say my first judgement from afar was this was a scam when I got closer his warmth of greeting made me feel bad with my initial negative assessment. 

He asked if I was interested in finding out more about UNHCR, I said I had numerous direct debits to various charities already in place and rattled off the ones I could recall, I was ready to move on… 

He then gave me the best smile and said how delighted he was to meet someone like me who had so much compassion, brilliant way of handling my objection I thought, he seemed so lovely and flattery does work in my world and now I’m feeling even worse about my scam theory. 

OK, I said, tell me about UNHCR, he started to rattle off depressing facts about the plight of refugees, showed me some horrible photos of the camps, I was fascinated by my thoughts, I was numb, are we too overloaded with these images and facts? We have seen them on the news for years… out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a glimpse of a nearby fancy shoe shop I was appalled, ‘How could I go from starving families to strappy heels? 

Then everything changed… 

He said ‘I was a refugee for 5 years in Ethiopia, I stayed in a camp like this, I had no idea when I would be able to leave, I feared for my life as I watched children die around me through malnutrition…’ 

Now it was his personal story that got me hooked, it was terribly moving, I felt his pain and his fear and now I understood why he was standing on the hot pavement trying to sign up people to the cause UNHCR, this organisation had not just transformed his life but given him his life back. 

We chatted about his sales pitch I suggested he start with his story. 

On the way home I reflected on the power of sharing something of ourselves in the material we present,  I feel so often we hide this connection and it leave us wondering why are you talking about this topic? 

This was highlighted last month when I was working with a group of forensic accountants, helping them create more compelling presentations which they absolutely did! During the training, I asked one woman, Sarah, why she did her job? Her answer was she had always loved puzzles, loved the challenge, right from when she was a child, when everyone in the family had given up Sarah would take over the mission to solve the puzzle and now as far as Sarah is concerned being a forensic accountant is like being paid to do her hobby. When you hear her passion for her work, you instantly believe she must be good at it and if I wanted someone to look for evidence of fraud in my company books she would be absolutely my first pick. 

Help us understand why you are presenting the material and we will be more likely to buy your ideas. 

#unhcr #fundraising #traceyward #mojomakeover

Laughter is the best

Differences are good

When I left university my first career role was selling advertising space in computer magazines, admittedly not the sexiest role I have ever had.

The thing is, despite cold calling, over the phone, day in day out, we laughed daily.

And, I loved going to work.  Even on those cold wintery English days trudging up the London Underground escalator with the 1000’s of other commuters, I had a smile on my face anticipating the laughter that would ensue that day.

One particular day our ‘fun’ was a competition to get the word ‘hedgehog’ into our sales pitch, no easy feat given we are selling advertising space in computer magazines.  I managed it three times, yes three times, one of those achievements I’m really proud that no-one else gets, I laughed so much I nearly wet my knickers, you know, that fabulous belly laugh that you can feel the next day.

We were encouraged to have fun, and we had fun and laughed.  The fun and laughter was a brilliant tonic that kept us resilient against what most would admin the tough role of cold calling.

We talk so much about resilience at work, mental health at work, stress at work and yet I don’t hear people talking about laughter and fun.

I say it’s time to laugh more at work, bring back the hedgehogs!

Monopoly

Business is a game and it’s time women knew how to play the game

With just about every woman I coach who works in business I find myself having the same conversations and one in particular is around the ‘game of business’

Men get it they know ‘the game’ most women have no idea there was a game in place, let alone the rules of ‘the game’ it’s like watching women play monopoly being blissfully unaware they should buy properties instead they merrily hop around the monopoly board giving everyone else money until they run out of money and they are out of the game, then they realised they have been played.

Let me enlighten you…

The game of business

  • You are responsible for your career path, no-one else cares.
  • Just working hard will NOT get you promoted.
  • You need to manage the perception you are great at your job, with the people that matter, as no one else will.
  • If you come up with a great idea, own it, take the credit for it, and let everyone else know how great it is.
  • If you want promotion, pay rise, ask for it!
  • If organisational decisions are made on the golf course, play golf, or at least go for a walk with a club in hand.
  • You can push back, doing the workload of two people isn’t cool, it’s exhausting.
  • You don’t have to do everything today, really you don’t.
  • If your instincts tell you your boss is dodgy, self-centred, egotistical, narcissistic or a psychopath, you are probably right which means, they need you to make them look good and won’t invest any time making you look good. It’s time to find a new boss in your existing company or a new company.
Conversation with dogs

Differences are good

I have two dogs, a standard poodle and a toy poodle, “Mango” and “Smoothie” don’t ask me about their names… that’s a story for another day and nor are they my password.

The point is the little one “Smoothie” is an identical but ‘shrunken’ version of the big one “Mango” they are a very cute combination.  Whenever you walk these dogs someone will stop you for a chat, initially about the dogs.  The conversations are beautiful, always uplifting and always put a smile on my face.

These spontaneous conversations make me feel connected to humankind, so refreshing when technology although meant to connect us seems to isolate us more instead.

It got me thinking, we could all do with a ‘dog’ icebreaker to help us feel more connected.

Now, I know not everyone is into dogs so hear me out…

I remember an old friend of my mothers’ use to make her own hats.  As a young teenager I thought these hats were … well, to be polite, these hats were pretty ‘out there’ I thought she was quite mad, but thinking about it now, these hats were more than a hat, they were a connector for her in society.  Mum and I often saw her in the street chatting away to one person or another and these conversations always seem to start over her hats.

Feeling connected in this world is vital for our good mental health, maybe it’s time to think about what your ‘dog/hat’ icebreaker could be and start savouring these fabulous spontaneous conversations.

Differences are good

In workshops I love using my Conversation Style Game, M.O.D.E.  We all have different conversation styles: Minders, Organisers, Directors and Enthusiasts and in my workshops, in between the laughter, there are so many comments; ‘that explains so much!’, ‘Now I get you!’ as everyone starts to understand the different conversation styles at play, it’s Emotional Intelligence at work and it’s wonderful to see.

I created M.O.D.E. after my experience working with a boss called Trevor.  Now Trevor like me was also originally from the North of England and when we were in the pub together, outside of work, we got on like a house on fire.  Working together less so…

Over a weekend I would come up with a new idea, (I’m an Enthusiast, Director, I like new stuff and think quickly). First thing Monday morning I would rush into Trevor’s office arms waving saying something along the lines of…

“Trevor, I have this fabulous idea for a new marketing initiative!!!” There was no plan, no numbers, just lots of arm waving and energy.

At 8.30 am Monday morning this was Trevor’s response.

“Tracey, I have not had my coffee or planned my day, go away”

It wasn’t a great working relationship. 

A couple of months later Trevor and I attended a program around behavioural styles it was then I realised we were the complete opposites of each other, (Trevor, is an Organiser, Minder, he’s is measured and likes time to think).  

All I had to do was make some small changes in the way I spoke to Trevor for my ideas to be heard and this is what I did.

Firstly, I went in after 10 am that way he had time for planning and a coffee.

Secondly, I approached Trevor in his communication style which is calmer and without arm waving.

Thirdly, I gave Trevor time to think, I put some numbers on a one-page document, (I’m unlikely to ever go beyond one page) and left it with him to think about.

IT WAS LIKE MAGIC!  

Every time I approach Trevor in this way, I got my ideas across, Emotional Intelligence works!

It turned out once Trevor and I understood and appreciated our differences we become a really powerful team. 

Differences are good

In our relationships, we have communication habits or patterns. We might finish off a partner’s sentence, or have certain topics that are no go areas, some of these communication patterns are cute and endearing, and some are unhealthy. Most are unwritten and unspoken about and they happen over and over again.

(It is especially noticeable when you catch up with a sibling you haven’t seen for a while, those childhood communication patterns come flooding back. I observed this with a friend of mine and his older sister who lives overseas, the moment they met they went into this prodding, tickling encounter, as an only child I thought this weird especially since they were in their 40’s, but that’s a communication pattern for you).

In my marriage, there became an obvious communication pattern.

If ever I wanted to give my husband feedback, this is what would happen:

I give husband feedback……. he counters by giving me feedback….. I apologise.

I realised he wasn’t taking any of my feedback on board and instead, he used attack as best form of defence and I was becoming way too subservient as a result, not healthy.

We chatted about this, and I expressed my frustration, and to his credit, he recognised the pattern we had fallen into.

As a result, we introduced, and both agreed to implementing, the ’24 hour rule’.

It’s very simple, the rule is, if we want to give our partner feedback, we preface it with;

‘this a ’24 hour rule’ conversation’

Which means for 24 hours, our partner cannot come back with feedback for us.

Let me tell you this rule works it forces the other person to think about the feedback they have received, of course, we all want positive feedback. Still, sometimes our nearest and dearest can have valuable things to say that can help us grow as a person, and we need to put ourselves in a position to hear that valuable feedback properly.

Differences are good

In workshops I love using my Conversation Style Game, M.O.D.E.  We all have different conversation styles: Minders, Organisers, Directors and Enthusiasts and in my workshops, in between the laughter, there are so many comments; ‘that explains so much!’, ‘Now I get you!’ as everyone starts to understand the different conversation styles at play, it’s Emotional Intelligence at work and it’s wonderful to see.

I created M.O.D.E. after my experience working with a boss called Trevor.  Now Trevor like me was also originally from the North of England and when we were in the pub together, outside of work, we got on like a house on fire.  Working together less so…

Over a weekend I would come up with a new idea, (I’m an Enthusiast, Director, I like new stuff and think quickly). First thing Monday morning I would rush into Trevor’s office arms waving saying something along the lines of…

“Trevor, I have this fabulous idea for a new marketing initiative!!!” There was no plan, no numbers, just lots of arm waving and energy.

At 8.30 am Monday morning this was Trevor’s response.

“Tracey, I have not had my coffee or planned my day, go away”

It wasn’t a great working relationship. 

A couple of months later Trevor and I attended a program around behavioural styles it was then I realised we were the complete opposites of each other, (Trevor, is an Organiser, Minder, he’s is measured and likes time to think).  

All I had to do was make some small changes in the way I spoke to Trevor for my ideas to be heard and this is what I did.

Firstly, I went in after 10 am that way he had time for planning and a coffee.

Secondly, I approached Trevor in his communication style which is calmer and without arm waving.

Thirdly, I gave Trevor time to think, I put some numbers on a one-page document, (I’m unlikely to ever go beyond one page) and left it with him to think about.

IT WAS LIKE MAGIC!  

Every time I approach Trevor in this way, I got my ideas across, Emotional Intelligence works!

It turned out once Trevor and I understood and appreciated our differences we become a really powerful team. 

Follow your instincts

Our instincts are our best guide in life yet for many of us we have stopped listening to our instincts (our gut feel) and instead we have let our rational mind (or not so rational mind) over ride.

Case in point, I was coaching Roberto a leader in a pharmaceutical company, he had several new reps join the company in the last year and was stressing out that they weren’t going to make the grade

‘What do your instincts say?’ I asked.

Roberto started a rambling conversation around the three new hires, targets, knowledge tests, politics, bosses, facts.

‘No’ I said, ‘what do your instincts say?’ I looked him straight in the eye. 

Roberto took a deep breath…

‘They are no good and they all need to go’ he replied. 

It was interesting seeing the difference in Roberto, when he tapped into his instincts, he was crystal clear on the answer, there was no waffle, no uncertainty.

I wonder in our busy lives have we lost the art of listening to our instincts? Have we allowed our rational mind to override?

Before you make your next decision, take a breath and pause and see what your instincts tell you.

Mean World Syndrome

With the aftermath of the New Zealand massacre still being felt it’s hard not to feel depressed when we hear the news.

I noticed that the news has crept back up in my life, I avoid watching it on TV but I’m listening more to it on the radio in the car or walking the dogs. Last year I was much more disciplined about barely listening to the news at all and you know what…..

I was happier!

And the research has found I’m not alone. The concept Mean World Syndrome was coined by George Gerber and describes the phenomenon where violence-related content of mass media makes viewers believe that the world is more dangerous than it actually is.

We were good at censoring what our children watch but like the typical women we are, we don’t consider the impact this negative news can be having on us.

To balance this out I want to share some good news stories and for more information check out the link. Enjoy 

https://tinyurl.com/ya8kb4rh

GOOD NEWS STORIES

  1. India increased its already massive 2022 clean energy target by 28%. 
    It plans to add 150 GW of wind and solar in the next four years.
  2. Ireland became the world’s first country to divest from fossil fuels after a bill was passed with all-party support in the lower house of parliament.
  3. Spain committed to shutting down most of its coal mines by the end of the year, after the government agreed to early retirement for miners, re-
    skilling, and environmental restoration.
  4. The Journal of Peace Research said that global deaths from state-based 
    conflicts have declined for the third year in a row, and are now 32% lower 
    than their peak in 2014.
  5. After a decade long effort, Herat, Afghanistan’s deadliest province for landmines, was declared free of explosive devices. Nearly 80% of the country is now mine free.
  6. Following the collapse of ISIS, civilian deaths in Iraq decreased dramatically. 80% fewer Iraqis were killed in the first five months of 2018 
    compared to last year.
  7. Ethiopia and Eritrea signed a peace treaty, signalling the end of a 20-year war, and reuniting thousands of families.
  8. Malaysia abolished the death penalty for all crimes and halted all pending executions, a move hailed by human rights groups in Asia as a 
    major victory.
  9. Honduras had the highest homicide rate in the world in 2012. Murders have decreased by half since then, more than any other nation.
  10. Crime and murder rates declined in the United States’ 30 largest cities, with the murder rate for 2018 was 7.6% lower than 2017.

 

Let’s celebrate the good stuff x